DontLoseYourHeart英语作文点评
某对外发行的英文刊物正在进行中学生英语征文,请根据下列提示,以Don’t Lose Your Courage为题写一篇短文,以便向该刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天;
2. 英语老师刘老师面带微笑进入教室;
3. 她自我介绍,应称呼她Miss Liu,而非Teacher Liu;
4. 要求我们每人到教室前自我介绍;
5. 我又怕又羞难以启齿;
6. 老师鼓励我,我讲得很好;
7. 难忘的.第一节课;
8. 实践出真知。遇到困难不能灰心丧气。
[注意]
1. 词数100~140;
2. 不要逐字翻译提示,可适当增加细节使文章连贯。
[学生原文]
Don’t Lose Your Heart
Never I shall(1) forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into(2) the classroom, we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself, saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later, she asked every(3) of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves(4) . When it was my turn, I felt so shyly(5) and fearful that I couldn’t speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly, Don’t be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well. My face turned red hearing that. At last, I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now, I can still remember her words in my English(6) lesson:Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
[名师点评]
作者能根据提示,运用所学知识得体地进行语言表达。故事行文流畅,要点齐全。运用了复杂的语言结构,作者大胆地使用了现在分词,使短文紧凑,短文的开头使用了When……Then……,A moment later等过渡词,使用恰当,使短文情节逐层深入,作者在第二段最后使用了was able to为短文添彩。
但有几处错误,现概括如下:
(1)短文首句使用了倒装句,给人以深刻的印象,部分时间状语,副词提前,谓语动词应倒装,应改为Never shall I forget…。
(2)用法错误,enter含有go into的意思,所以应删除into.
(3)every改为each, every是形容词,each是代词。
(4)themselves改为ourselves.因为故事使用第一人称叙述了发生在我班上的情况。
(5)shyly改为是系动词,应接形容词作表语。
(6)在English前加first,表示特定的第一节英语课。
[精品范文]
Don’t Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day, when she entered the classroom, we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu, a moment later, she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn, I felt so shy and fearful that I didn’t dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly, Don’t be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try. My face turned red when I heard that. At last, I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now, I can still remember her words in the first English lesson: Practice makes perfect. Don’t lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
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