作文批改示例
作文批改评语范例字 迹 A、本子清秀、整洁,犹如海滨小城的街道一样,找不到一点脏……端端正正的字迹,让人看了真舒服……你的字像印的一样漂亮……很惭愧,我字没有你写的好看…… B、随随便便,字哪能不像猫掏的似的.……字不在格子中间,当然看起来不顺眼……你的字东倒西歪,是不是今天风太大,才刮成这样的……我不相信你的字写不好,永远就这么潦草……认真耐心地写,你会写的比我还要棒…… 内 容 A、这般丰富的内容,简直和作家写出来的差不多呀……你的习作有血有肉,读起来真是一大享受……你的作文内容具体,我读的十分过瘾……你平时肯定爱看作文书,才写出这么多字…… B、干巴巴的内容如同白开水,一点味道也没有,多加些优美的词句就好喝了……不如刘维维字数多(或者举其他差生名字),你不觉得有点难为情吗……你的作文像90岁老太太的嘴,干瘪空洞,讲话直漏风……
air pollution(标题大写)
As depicted in the picture, large cloulds (clouds)of smoke from chimneys cover the sky. Obviously, chimneys in cities caused a lot of pollution; the air is nearly suffocating. It can be seen that the symbolic meaning the picture conveys deep (前面加be动词,否则句子不通顺)and profound. We thereby can conclude that coal burning has brought about great hazards to the city.
Firstly, factories were usually placed (用lie的相关形式,usually lie)in the center of cities, among (between)residential and businearea. Even people lived near location of factories. (删掉)If functions of different areas of city are confused, smoke, which contains of deleterious gases, will continue to be a public trouble. In addition, the number of such chimneys has a lot to do with the harm. (不通顺)That is partly explained by the fact that nearly every block has several chimneys for heating system, which makes the whole city immersed in thick smoke. Last and the most important one, respiratory diseases have been reported to be rising and old people dying of the wirsening(删掉)air pollution.
Confronted with this problem, we should find several solution(复数)to it. On one hand, factories with chimneys should be moved out of the center of the city and(用or)it(删掉)made sure the waste gases are at least not bad. For another, other ways of heating should be developed to stop using coal. Only by doing so, can we kill two birds with one stone.
点评:12分
该文基本完成了试题任务,能够按照试题的原意进行分析陈述,包含了一些内容观点,使用了较为丰富的语法结构与词汇,前后衔接还算连贯。
但本文也存在一些不足之处,表现比较明显的是语法错误与时态错误,外加一些句子的被动形式,当然,这也是考试作文的难点与易错点,需要细心留意。另外,有些句子读起来比较晦涩,词汇变换方面也有一些错误,如果能在此方面多下功夫并留心细心,相信你能写出一篇不错的考研作文。
考研作文的练习是一个不断改正的过程,多多努力,考试即将来临,加油哦
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